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| I've been meaning to post something for a while now, but I always start writing something and then halfway through it all I just stop cuz I don't know how to explain everything I'm feeling. It's so hard to put emotions into concrete words. There's never a definite way to describe something. There will always be some sort of vagueness that you have to try and interpret, so basically it's impossible to completely transfer a full thought to anyone. You just kinda have to know how it is. Everyone also has their own unique way of looking at things, so that'll just add to all the confusion too. So what do you do? I have no idea. Come up with a compromise between thoughts? I don't know. I guess this can apply to people as well. There's no way to fully understand and agree with someone. So how will you ever find someone that you are "compatible" with? I've come to believe that there's no perfect match for anyone. It all comes down to how much you want to try and get as close as possible to knowing or understanding someone. You can't just automatically feel a fit. You also have to want to go that extra step and do all you can to figure them out. That goes for both sides of the picture, too. Only when you receive the same amount of effort from the other side is when you know it's worth something. So I guess I'm saying you can't ever really fully understand someone else's thoughts or be completely perfect with/for someone. The closest you can get is through the amount of desire you have to try and do it. Yeah? I don't know.. maybe I'm just rambling... | | |
| Man, where have I been? From xanga and life in general. I guess this is one of those points where I feel like I've kinda stepped outside of my normal behavior and personality for a while and I just woke up and found myself again. So much has happened this year. It's changed so much about what I value and how I see life. Only a few months left till we're completely done and off on our own. Time to learn some responsibility. Seriously. No more making stupid decisions and hoping it'll all turn out okay. We really have to start watching what we do cuz we're in complete control of our lives now. I think people might not really realize that yet. We're all still having fun now living off of our parents so anything that we screw up, we only have them to disappoint. But what happens when you're by yourself, left to plan your own trips, parties, and mistakes? Everything that goes wrong is put completely on you. We're all used to disappointing our parents cuz we know they'll forgive us and still love us, but when we do something bad that affects our friends, it messes everything up. Friends don't always have to stay friends. I can't believe how much I've let my morals slip. I'm generally the same person I've always been, but I know I can do better. So many stupid things and stupid people have clouded my mind with a lifestyle I knew I never wanted to be a part of. Why have I allowed it to get me this way? I have no idea. I still question all the activities I participate in. I don't understand the reasons behind why anyone does anything. | | |
| Today was a cute day. I had a really nice time. Around 12 I met up with Pam, Nelson, and Fer at the movies to watch Step Up. It was an okay movie. Not too bad, but not wonderful. After that Fer dropped us off at Denny's cuz she had to go, so we all had lunch and just hung out a bit. I can never finish my food there. They give such big portions, and I eat slow. We weren't in any rush though, so it was okay. So afterwards we walked over to Pam's and hung out there for a while.. watched The Ringer.. Johnny Knoxville movie about pretending to be mentally challenged and joining the Special Olympics. It was funny.. not too bad also. Pam brought out a box of all her old middle school pictures and it was funny to see how small everyone was. We had fun just hanging out and talking about how things were..or at least Pam and Nelson did, since I went to Piedmont Middle and they went to Sierramont. It was still cool though..we're all just Piedmont Hill-ers now. No need to distinguish people by middle schools. While we were there, I got a call from the Art Institute at San Francisco about their graphic design program.. they just wondered if I was interested and that they'd call me again about more information and possibly signing up with them? I don't know.. pretty crazy. I still don't know if I want to do something in art for sure and in SF instead of Socal? hmmm.. I don't know.. there's still a little more time to think about it. So, we decided to go out and take a walk, so the 3 of us went all the way to Target on capitol, just playing around with stuff and running around the aisles hiding from each other. We hung out all over that area. Target, Shoe Pavillion, Walgreens, Toys R Us, and then to Starbucks where we got drinks and just sat around and talked more. The whole day was just really chill in general. Lots of reminiscing. I love being able to do that with friends. Not having to do so much and still having a good time just hanging out and talking..even though those 2 always make fun of me. hah. They're still cool nonetheless.. I guess. =) My sister came and picked us up around 8:45ish and we all just went home. Long day, but it went by really fast. Man, I miss hanging out without an objective. Luckily I'll be seeing more of everyone this week with all the stuff coming up..and then school's starting in 2 weeks! ahh! I'm not ready to go back, but at the same time, I know I'll have a lot of fun this year. This is going to be our last everything... rallies, dances, Fantastics, football games.. siiiggghhh. We're just growing up so fast.
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| Hmm.. I've said it before, but I'll say it again. I wish everyone still kept their xangas up to date. It's nice to know what's going on in their lives/minds besides the way they've changed physically or the inside jokes or comments no one else understands as posted on myspace. The online world has gotten so impersonal. Actually, it always has been. I've kind of recently developed not a hate exactly, but more of a dislike for it. I think it's so lame how people have had to resort to the internet to try and express themselves. What happened to good old real life activities? Of course things are a lot easier said than done.. yeah, it's more convenient to be able to talk to several people all at once in the comfort and privacy of your own home, sure, but I think it's just kind of depressing that all this has kind of distracted everyone from getting to know people the traditional way. It takes more effort to go up to someone, struggle through the possibility of awkward feelings and blank-mindedness, but it's just that that shows how much you really care to get to know the person. It's more real. Quite literally. When you talk to people online, there's only so much you can say for someone to figure out what you're talking about. You don't always get to send out the message you mean to. Communicating involves so much more than just words. What you think might be the core of it, but the inflection of your voice, the expression on your face.. the whole execution..I think that's what justifies it. When you read something, you interpret it the way you want to, but when you see something the way it is in reality, you get a better understanding of it. I'm not all anti myspace and aim now or anything, but I'm just saying.. it's nice to talk in real life sometimes too. That's where you really make connections with people.
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| Wow, updating second day in a row. I probably haven't done that since I first started using xanga. Anyway, I just wanted to talk about my oh so adventurous day. Actually yesterday was pretty fun too, I think I forgot to mention what I did.. Hmm so senior portraits were yesterday, bumped into a few people I hadn't seen all summer while waiting for my turn. It was nice being able to catch up with people again. I hope my pictures turned out okay...my face is pretty much back to normal after the crazy swelling due to surgery for my wisdom teeth, but it's not completely healed yet. And despite what everyone says about it not looking any different, well there IS a difference, okay? Anyway, after that Nikki and Hubert picked me up and we went to Angie's to meet up with her, Vinh, Dave, Vincent, and Natalie. Everyone went to go eat breakfast at Jacko's to visit Nelson at work, but because of my senior portrait, I couldn't go and just met up with them afterwards. It was so nice seeing the half of them that I hadn't seen all summer. We watched City of Angels and Wicker Park. City of Angels is such a hearfelt movie.. man, I was getting teary at some parts, and I know I heard sniffling from other people too. Wicker Park is one trippy movie. It was a little confusing, but pretty intense.. not bad. I had a fun time. After we were done, everyone had something to do though, so everyone just went home. It was around 5 by then..and I don't think I did anything else the rest of the day, just hang around the house.
Today started early again too. Adrian's leaving tomorrow for Long Beach, so he, Heaven, and I went to hang out. We went to Savers and had fun just looking around at random things. I found a fish bowl for 39 cents and it reminded me of how hard it was for me to find one when I actually did have goldfish. It made me sad. I also found a pretty cool scarf though, so I bought that along with 2 vhs tapes: My Best Friend's Wedding and Stand By Me. yayy cool movies. After that we went to Michael's and I got a 15 piece paintbrush set for 4 bucks, and this little bundle of beaded bracelets for 50 cents. Good deal, huh? We passed by the stamp aisle and it reminded me of Madame Sauvage and all her crazy stamps. I kinda miss that old lady. Too bad I'm not taking French this year, though. I think it'd be cool to have a stamp collection, but then I wouldn't know what to use them for. Heaven and I decided that they're pretty useless unless you're a teacher. We got lunch at Togo's afterwards and then headed back to Adrian's. Hung out and ate ice cream for a little, then I went home to meet up with Vincent. We went biking all the way to the Starbucks on Calaveras and then we biked down to the Great Mall lightrail station to head to Campbell. We hung around Pruneyard for a while..went to Trader Joe's and found Arizona Green Tea in juice boxes?! Just had to get them. Stopped by Barnes and Noble for a bit to hang out and read. I finished 3 more chapters of Pride and Prejudice (I seriously need to speed it up..school's in 3 weeks! yikes!). After that I got a message from my mom nagging me to go home and wash the dishes or something, so we left. Took maybe an hour and a half to get home? It was okay though, we had an ipod, and most of the trip was on lightrail. Aaaaannd that's pretty much my whole day.
p.s. Happy Birthday to Mindy Chu who jus turned 17 today! woooo! =)
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